The insurance money had landed. Theo’s life insurance payout, a digital transfer that felt like blood money, sat in my account. “Fair enough,” my best mate said. “What are you going to do with it?
”
“See his kids right. But the rest of it is blood money. I don’t want it. ”
It was hard to celebrate the proceeds of your husband being murdered by your best mate.
Harder still to explain it to anyone else. Mum was trying to make me feel better. We were at her place, her birthday, and I’d managed to get her some flowers that looked a bit sad in a vase with no life in them. “See more life in my chapter of rest,” she laughed.
“It’s the thought that counts,” I said. “Yeah, the thought being that I’m skinned and you deserve better. ”
“Oh, darling. Look, I’m very lucky to have you at all.
Don’t mind anything else given my recent antics. ”
“Well, thank you. But…”
“No, but but nothing. Besides which, when Theo’s payout comes through…”
“But you can’t expect Todd to bail me out.
He’s got Theo’s kids to sort out, hasn’t he? ”
It hadn’t crossed my mind that Todd would even think of giving me money. I’d given most of it to Theo’s kids. It felt like the only clean thing I could do with it.
Christina, though, she’d had her own ideas. A text came through from Summer. “Happy birthday,” followed by a load of emojis I couldn’t read because I had my specs on. “Looking forward to your birthday drinks later.
Tart and I have got some exciting news. ”
“Yeah, but that could mean anything, couldn’t it? ” I said. “Oh, what?
Given out the situation? You’re joking, aren’t you? No. I think you and I are about to catch a bit of a lucky break.
”
I didn’t want a lucky break. I just wanted to stop feeling like my fingers were turning into claws. My mate was helping me with the physio. My hands were stiff, my body still recovering from what had happened.
“Stop fingers going into a claw,” he said gently. “Your mom said the doctors were dead optimistic before. It is going to take a bit of time, but you know, you’re stronger than what happened to you. ”
“Thanks.
”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “No, don’t you dare apologize to me. My best mate, are you? ”
He’d been there for me, through all of it.
Helping me to the toilet, making sure I didn’t fall. I’d felt humiliated, needing help with the simplest things. But he made it feel okay. “Don’t be silly,” he said.
“I’ve had mates do the same for me when I’ve been shaking my guts up on a night out. It’s fine. Would you do the same for me? If the rules were reversed?
”
“Yeah. ”
“There you go then. It’s not humiliating. It’s just the way things are at the minute.
And it’s definitely not your fault. ”
But it was my fault. At least partly. He asks me about the truth sometimes.
“Betsy, why didn’t you tell the police about what Dylan did? ”
“You understand? ”
“I do. I don’t.
I do. But I understand. I mean, so what? They do it in porn films.
I watched Marty Supreme the other day. Didn’t make me want to take up ping pong. ”
“Do you want to talk? I know you don’t, but you’re going to have to because if you leave it too late, it’s going to be too late to press charges.
”
“What accident? ”
“It wasn’t an accident. Dylan had a choice. ”
“Stop it.
I don’t want to be left alone. ”
I couldn’t go there. Not yet. Not while I was still trying to hold my life together.
Everywhere I turned, there was another mess. Gary and I were arguing again. We’d been through it all before, but the strain was getting worse. “Look, I don’t want you thinking that the fact that we used to be together has got something to do with what happened.
”
“Stop kidding yourself. You’ve risked everything for Sarah. My future, our boy’s future. ”
“Yeah, I know.
I know I did. And I’m sorry. ”
“Talk about having a third person in our relationship. Her name might as well be on our marriage certificate.
”
“She’s just a mate. ”
“And that night, she was just a mate that needed my help. Yeah. I’m not having an affair.
I wasn’t thinking about having an affair. ”
“Oh, well, thank God my brittle female ego has been protected. I’ve still got my man. ”
“I can’t win, can I?
And what do you want me to say? ”
“Nothing. There’s nothing more you can say. It’s all kind of besides the point now, isn’t it?
It’s the what next that counts. ”
The next thing was the tricky part. Gary had lied for me. He’d given a false alibi when everything happened.
And now the walls were closing in. “All we have to do is just hold our nerve. ”
“Oh, meaning that I have to stand by the false alibi that I gave for you when you swore blind to me that you had nothing to do with the oza. ”
“I didn’t.
”
“Come on, Gary. You’re splitting hairs. We both know that you’re going down for this. The only question left is whether you take me down with you.
”
“There’s no reason for them to arrest me. Apart from the fact that you’re in it up to your neck and her copper boyfriend knows. ”
“No, forget about him. He can’t prove anything.
”
“We won’t need to, will we? When she starts talking…”
“She won’t. ”
“Get real. It’s just a matter of time.
And then I’ll get done for perverting the course of justice and our boys will be left on their own. ”
“It’s not going to come to that. ”
“No, you’re right. It won’t.
I can’t let that happen. If I retract my statement now, then maybe I’ll avoid prison. ”
“No. No.
Please don’t do that. ”
“I have to, Gary, because unlike you, I put my family first. ”
The door shut behind him. I don’t know which of us was more broken.
Then there was the phone call for Ollie. “That was the manager of the Michelin Star restaurant that Ollie had the trial with. The one in Brighton. ”
“Did he get the job?
”
“They said they’re sorry. The vacancy’s gone. The opportunity that you should have accepted. ”
“If he didn’t get the job…”
“He did get the job, love.
He just didn’t accept it. ”
“I did accept it. ”
“Yeah, but you kept them hanging on for days. ”
“I just wanted time to think before I gave him an answer.
It’s not my fault they didn’t wait. ”
“Son, hesitation’s an answer in itself. ”
“Look, I just wanted to be sure. With everything going on with Will and…”
“Ah, stop making excuses.
You’ve always been like this, afraid to take risks. If you want to be successful at something, you have to be prepared to fail. ”
“Don’t bother. I’ve heard it all before.
If I was so scared, why would I have told them I wanted it then? ”
“Cuz in your heart of hearts, you know people like that don’t wait around. And at least that way you can put it all down to bad luck. ”
“Oh, think what you like.
I don’t need to justify myself to you. I know. I was trying to do the right thing. Won’t be making that mistake again.
”
He stormed off, slamming the door behind him. Later that night, at the birthday drinks, it all bubbled up. “Flights? ” Todd said, looking at Summer.
“We’re going to go and visit Mom and Jason. ”
“Well, do you know what? I am glad to see that you’re putting some of Theo’s insurance payout to good use because you deserve it. ”
“Uh, no, no.
I’ve given a lot to his kids. ”
“Oh, right. Well, yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense.
I didn’t want it, and it just seemed simpler than trying to dig it out. Thailand looks incredible. I am so looking forward to it. I just hope Billy would approve of me splurging my inheritance on it.
”
“Of course he would. Especially after what you’ve been through recently. You have earned it, young lady. Cheers.
”
Lauren came over. She had a look in her eye. “Christina looked mortified and I’m so sorry. ”
“Oh, mate, don’t even.
Couple more brandies, she won’t even remember. I just wanted the money gone and it never even crossed my mind to…”
“Oh, why would it? It’s Christina’s daft notion, not mine. I mean, it’s only right that Theo’s kids get the entire payout.
They’ve suffered enough, haven’t they? ”
I nodded, but I didn’t feel right. I’d given the money away, wanted it gone. And yet it had caused a row.
Christina had been mortified, apparently. She’d thought we were going to use it for something nice, for a dream. Instead, I’d given it all away. “Is that what you did with it?
Good call,” Todd said. “It doesn’t necessarily feel that way. ”
“Hey, look, forget it. Honestly.
Right, better get back to me other half. She looks like she’s running low. Don’t want a neck in the hand sanitizer, do we? ”
He went to the bar, and I was left standing there, wondering if I’d made a mistake.
I bumped into him again outside the pub. “Everything cool with you guys? ”
“Oh, yeah. Just a bit of a misunderstanding.
Someone told me about your trip. ”
“Yeah. Spur of the moment. But I think we can both deal with it, though.
”
“Yeah. You’ll do good to get out of Weatherfield for a bit. ”
“Not sure that I’ll ever truly escape what happened there. ”
“Listen, if you let that creep cast a shadow for the rest of your life, you would have won.
Don’t let him. You’re a good guy and you’re well overdue a bit of happiness. ”
“Cheers, mate. ”
I went back inside.
Gary was waiting for me. “Where you been? ”
“Not to the police, if that’s what you’re asking. I can’t do it to the boys.
Not unless I absolutely have to. ”
“It just boils down to whether we can trust Sarah. ”
“Well, she should keep my name out of it. So, thanks.
I’ve been really worried. I don’t want to lose you. ”
“No, no, no, no. That ship has well and truly sailed.
”
“No, don’t say that. ”
“Well, just because I’ve not dropped you in it with the police don’t mean that there’s a future for us. ”
“Oh, come on. I made a mistake in the heat of the moment.
”
“No, you didn’t, Gary. You’ve been lying and covering up for weeks. I made the mistake thinking that you could ever love anyone but her. ”
“That’s not true.
We’ve been through this. ”
“No, actually, I’ve been through this for years. Lie after lie. Betrayal after betrayal, always leading back to her.
Because it’s her you love, not me. ”
“That’s not true. ”
“I think it is. Nobody puts their neck on the line for someone the way that you did.
Not unless they care more for that person than they do themselves. ”
I left him there, standing alone. Later, I found Todd. “So, is it true then about the restaurant job in Brighton?
”
“Is it what true? ”
“Well, that you hesitated so long then they went with someone else. News travels fast. I’ve been to Colleague Keepers.
Yeah, best fish pie meal I’ve ever eaten. Most chefs would give their right arm for that job. Though like chopping veg might be slightly harder. Right job, wrong time.
At least I thought it was. Trying to be loyal to my family, but turns out that doesn’t always cut both ways. ”
“Well, maybe, maybe not. How’d you fancy working here?
”
“Not after charity. ”
“Well, I’m not offering it. Look, I’m fed up of relying on agency staff and all right, we might not have a fancy star yet, but when Sam gets home, I’m going to need a reliable and talented chef running my kitchen. So, what do you reckon?
”
“When do I start? ”
We laughed. For a moment, the knot in my chest loosened. But it didn’t last.
I found her later, sitting alone, her eyes red. “This is insane. ”
“I’m insane,” she said. “How can you say that with a straight face?
”
“Look, I love you, okay? I love you. I’ve loved you from the minute we got together. I’ve never seen a future without you in it.
”
“Well, you’re just going to have to get used to the idea. ”
“I don’t know if I can. If you walk away, I’m finished. ”
“Don’t be a drama queen.
”
“Oh, yeah. ’Cause that’s me all over, isn’t it? Yeah, I’m always getting choked up, always making big romantic declarations. Yeah, that’s me down to a tea.
Yeah. ”
“If you really feel like this, then why did you risk it? ”
“Because I’m an idiot, that’s why. Because I don’t know what’s good for myself, do I?
But it’s not because I don’t love you. Please tell me you believe that. ”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe.
I think there’s only one way that I’ll know for sure. ”
“All right, you say the word and I’ll do it. Yeah. ”
“I need to go and talk to Sarah.
Need to look her in the eye and see what’s there. ”
“Okay. Okay. Until then, you can keep on the sofa.
”
The door clicked shut behind Todd, and I sat in the silence with the last question hanging between us. Whether I would go through with it. Whether she would believe me.
Whether, after everything, there was still a way back from the mess we were all trapped in.
