Morning light was already cutting through the curtains when Cassie stirred. She blinked, saw the empty wine bottles, the glasses scattered across the table, and then looked at the man slumped in the armchair. “What are you doing up? ” she muttered.
Steve rubbed his eyes. “Sorry, babe. Didn’t want to wake you. ”
“Really?
Sounds like the pub was going all night. ”
“It was all the oldies. ” He cleared his throat. “Things got pretty depressing in here after closing time.
”
“Yeah, I can see that. ” She started gathering glasses. “What happened in the end? ”
“Those two Irish blokes hung around.
”
“So you weren’t drinking by yourself. ”
“Might have had one or two after they left. ”
“You patch things up with Steve? ”
“No.
”
She set the glasses down, hands on her hips. “You’re so stupid. Old men should be banned from drinking. ”
“Oh, I see.
So it’s only blokes who misbehave, is it? ”
“You’ve got an echocardiogram at the General in forty-eight minutes. ”
“Give your head a wobble. ”
“Where did you go?
”
“Flying Horse. ”
“Did he make it to bed? ”
“Just about. Well, for the first time, Cassie, you’ve got my sympathy.
”
“I don’t mind him when he’s drunk. ”
“It’s a disgrace. Yeah, you could have performed a bit better. I mean, in the Rovers.
No, you stuck up for our daughter and I for one was proud of you. I still think you should apologize. ”
“I apologized to Wally. Got his number off Amy.
Texted him at two in the morning. ”
“Well, this is another first. But I actually agree with Cassie. If you want to drink in the Rovers again, you need to kiss and make up with your boyfriend.
”
“I just buried me dad. ” He rose from the chair. “I’m going for a shower. ”
At the undertaker’s office, George Shuttleworth put down the phone.
“That’s right, Mr. Deal. I promise you, nothing to worry about. No.
Thank you. Bye. ”
Todd looked up from his desk. “Well?
”
“His daughter’s read some junk on social media. ”
“What junk? ”
“It’s everywhere. ”
“Oh.
More bad reviews? ”
“Not bad reviews. Bad press. Even Mum’s read it.
”
“Oh dear. What? What is it? ”
George slid a phone across the desk.
Todd read the headline aloud: “There are no pennies in heaven for the customers of George Shuttleworth, the Weatherfield undertaker accused of defrauding the elderly. ”
“It’s not a credible news source,” George said. “Just idiots scaremongering. ”
“Yeah, but they’re succeeding.
They just need likes, don’t they? ”
“Well, you know what? I don’t like them. Anyway, I’ve got to crack on with Mrs.
Pringate. Her husband dropped in that ball gown. ”
“Did he say anything? ”
“I don’t think he’s really on social media.
”
“No. I’d love to be cremated in a ball gown. ”
“Well, maybe I should get one. ”
“You’ll have to get Rest Easy to bury you.
”
George sighed. “I’d love this phone to start ringing. Please, somebody die. ”
“Oh dear, me.
”
“Jenna Mackie,” Todd said. “What about her? ”
“I told you to stop Adam Barlow from poaching her. Well, lower your rates.
Offer better coffee. Don’t come crying to me. ”
But Adam Barlow wasn’t thinking about coffee. He stood in his office, facing a woman with a folder in her hand.
“I want a copy of your signed contract, as well as the terms of that contract. A record of the phone calls you made and the emails you sent to the resident you shared confidential information with. ”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. ”
“The housing developers we represented, who lost their case in court because of intel you leaked.
”
“Don’t move out,” the woman said. “Fight them. What they’re doing isn’t legal. ”
“Well, it wasn’t.
You were trying to screw people over. Jenna Mackie was an investor. She lost one point two million pounds in that fiasco. If your partner takes her on, I’ll report you to the SRA.
You can kiss your law career goodbye. ”
In the café, Sam was hunched over a table, phone in hand. “Is it Katie Tunstall? ”
“I’m not being bullied,” someone said.
“Josh Teague? ”
“It’s none of them. ”
“Well, it’s somebody. ”
“No.
”
“Is it Kelly Ann Mulligan? Because, you know, she bullied Leo Smith so badly at Bessie Street that he developed a stutter and wet himself in assembly. Whoever it is, you have to confront them. You have to stand in front of them and say, ‘I’m not afraid of you.
’ Even if, you know, maybe you are a bit afraid of them. Hey, do you remember that video we watched in form, that said all bullies are cowards? Right, come on. Repeat after me.
I’m not afraid of you. ”
“I’m not afraid of you. ”
“Boo! Yeah, you are.
”
Back at the Rovers, the atmosphere had soured. George and Todd stood at the bar, keeping to themselves. “You just buried your dad,” Todd said quietly. “That’s what I said.
”
“Well, we can drink somewhere else, can’t we? You know that. The Flying Horse. False number nine.
”
“Well, I don’t like the false number nine. I don’t like sports bars. They’re too bright. ”
“Well, either way, you don’t need Ben, do you?
”
“He’s a decent enough bloke and I’d miss him. You like him? Liked, until he took issue with me best mate. Anyway, I don’t like anybody who likes rugby union.
He came to me dad’s funeral. He didn’t have to do that. Anyway, when you get to your age, you don’t need any more friends. ”
“Oh, you have the head on you today.
”
“Yeah, me and Dad had one or two when I got back last night. ”
“How was he? ”
“Oh, Steve sent a text to apologize. Said he was just being overprotective.
Must be a tough guy he thinks he had going, but with all the ex-squaddies in the joint. There’s nothing tough about that brigade. I just had no idea Amy was here. It was tactless.
”
The pub’s landlady, Glenda, was staring at her phone behind the bar. “Oh, saints above. Who is it? Only an article about the local undertaker, with a picture taken in this very establishment.
”
“That could be any pub,” Todd said. “It clearly says Rovers Return on the window behind him. ”
“Back to front, though. If anyone holds a mirror up to it, they’ll clearly see.
”
“Who’s going to hold a phone up to a mirror? This could cost us. It’s not even a real news source. Just because someone sticks it on the internet, it doesn’t make it true.
A man facing all those allegations, drinking in our pub. And listen to the caption: ‘George Shuttleworth enjoying a drink in his local. ’ His local. There are thirty-three comments on this site alone.
We’d be tainted by association. ”
“You’re insane,” Todd said. “Well, he missed it,” George said. “He didn’t.
I did. ”
“It wasn’t my fault,” Glenda said. “So whose fault was it? The tooth fairy’s?
”
At the hospital, the car park was a nightmare. Steve’s mother, Cassie, stood by the entrance, looking at her watch. “Oh, look, the parking at that hospital is a nightmare. ”
“And where were you till four thirty?
” someone asked. “Well, we went for lunch. ”
“Lunch? Anywhere decent?
”
“So what happens now? ”
“I’ll make another appointment. So what? ”
“When?
”
“I’ll be in the kitchen if anyone needs me. ”
Ben came in without a coat. His mother, Cassie, looked him up and down. “Did you go out without a coat on?
Are you serious? That’ll really help a man in your condition. ”
“What condition? I’m not ten years old, Mum.
”
“Then why act like it? ”
By the time Ben reached the Rovers, George and Todd were still there. Glenda had made her decision. She stood in front of them, hands on the bar.
“George, I’ve put a statement on the website. I don’t know what else you want me to do. This is monumentally unfair. ”
“Have you no shame?
” Todd snapped. “I was just collecting glasses. I’m talking to your brother, the local con man. ”
“I haven’t conned anybody,” George said.
“Well, the telephone says otherwise. ”
“Telephone? Social media. He’s completely innocent.
”
“You, get back to work. And you, out. ”
“How can you throw somebody out based on slander, conjecture? ” Todd demanded.
“Should I say what people say about you? Well, you and all. Get out. ”
“She’s being absurd,” George said.
“I can bury you, too, sonny. ”
“Oh, yeah, that sounds like a great business plan. ”
“Well, I prefer it to yours. Bury the dead with one hand while robbing their beloved with the other.
George was a worthy recipient of those gifts, all right. I didn’t ask anybody to put him in their will. ”
“Todd, just leave it,” George said. “It’s not worth it.
You can’t reason with people like her. ”
“I suppose you’re involved in all this,” Glenda said. “I will never step foot in this dump again,” George said. “Good.
”
“I actually probably will. ”
Todd turned to Glenda. “If they go, I go. I’ll pop your P45 in the post.
”
“The woman’s barking,” George said. “Glenda, no, love, you can’t lose your living and all,” someone called out. “Oh, watch me. ”
“No, you need your income.
”
“George, there’s a line, and she’s just crossed it. Go on, then. Get out. Go and rob the elderly, and never show your faces in here again.
”
Later, in the quiet of a back room, a man sat with his son. The father had heard the whole story. “They’re all worried about you. Your parents.
The longer this goes on, the more likely they are to prize deluded conspiracy theories out of you. ”
“Told you they wouldn’t believe a word of it,” the son said. “I’m not afraid of you,” the father said. “What?
”
“I’ll tell the truth. Now. Tonight. I’ll tell everyone.
”
“Okay. Yeah. It’s true. All of it.
Does that make you feel better? ”
“No. ”
“Me and Will go to bed with each other. Tell us all and I’ll laugh.
I’ll say it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. And I’ve told you, I’ll tell the police that you fancy me, and that’s why you planted a camera in my living room to catch me in my skin pees. You’re a little pervert. And that camera’s got your fingerprints all over it.
You staged it. ”
“Oh, what? When I let him down gently? Yeah, a bit of arm drama, I’ll give you that.
But after we went into my bedroom. And you’d blush if I told you what we did. Bet you wish that camera was in there, don’t you? Peeping Sam.
Remember what I said. Take me on and I’ll destroy you. ”
At the bar, Eva was handing over a glass of wine. “I can feel it’s yourself, Eva.
I’ve always wondered how you do that. ”
“Sixth sense. ”
“They teach you that at witching school? ”
“Oh, my school days weren’t nearly as idyllic as that.
The nuns. I still have dreams about them. ”
“Can I ask you something? ” the man said.
“Is it about Bono? ”
“No, it’s not about Bono. ”
“Because every time I talk about my childhood, you ask me about the time I met Bono when my cousins lived in Ballymaloe. Course, in those days he was still called Paul.
”
“I was just going to ask if you were all right. An echocardiogram is not nothing. And to miss it is unforgivable. ”
“I tried to get him there, but he was as rough as a bear’s backside and the parking was terrible.
”
“I’ve heard the car park excuse before. ”
“It’s not an excuse. The car park was rammed. I made him get out and walk, but he couldn’t find the department by himself.
Do I have to do everything for that man? At the age of forty-six. ”
“Nobody’s asking you to do anything. ”
“And yet without me, you got nowhere.
Yesterday got to you. Steve’s dad. ”
“What about him? ”
“Well, he’s an Irishman.
Sure, there’s plenty of them both sides of the bar. And a father. I just wondered whether it made you think of Ben’s dad. I mean, made me think of people I’d lost.
”
“Susie’s dead? Yes, among others. Shedding tears for an ex now, are we? ”
“All right, okay.
Look, I just thought the day had got to you and I wanted to check in. Don’t take it out on my punters. And Glenda stays. ”
At number one, Steve sat at the kitchen table, phone in hand.
“Hey, Mrs. Pringate. She’s ravishing, dignified in a ball gown. Mrs.
Pringate will be delighted. What? Yeah, thanks. ”
He hung up, looked at his phone, and found the photo of George in the pub.
“I cannot believe that we’ve been barred. ”
“Barred? ” Amy said from the doorway. “You believe that’s only the third time that’s ever happened to me?
I think Glenda’s going to regret that. It’s all right being the big hero, but come tomorrow morning, when she’s joining that dole queue. ”
“Oh, for God’s sake. She hasn’t sent you out to talk to me as well?
”
“I don’t even… You know you were out here? Will’s just getting changed. We’ve got a session.
He’d be lost without you, Beth. ”
“Is it true you’ve barred off the street? ” Steve asked. “I barred George Shuttleworth and his wench and the boy who works for him,” Glenda said.
“Based on what? ”
“Based on them dragging this premises into the mire. If people see those photos on their phones… ”
“Well, what if the locals side with them?
”
“We’ll just get new locals. Thanks, Jean. ”
Jean looked embarrassed. “I made a mistake.
A long time ago. ”
“Hey, everyone makes mistakes,” Steve said. “Not like the one I made. You make one wrong move and your whole life…
”
“Whatever it is, you can’t put the genie back in the bottle. If I had three wishes… I’m discreet. It’ll stay between us.
You just focus on my grandson. And here he is, speaking of the devil. You ready? ”
“Yeah.
”
“Off you go. See you later. ”
At the gym, Amy saw Todd come in. “Hey.
How’s he doing? ”
“You’ve seen it all, then? ”
“I thought it would have been reported, isn’t it? I hope you’re telling everyone it’s a pack of lies.
It means a lot. How are you feeling? ”
Someone’s phone buzzed. “Oh, I’m so sorry.
It’s this dating app thing. It keeps going off every two seconds. Is it popular? No, I’m sorry.
I don’t know. I’d better just turn it off. It’s a no to you. It’s a no to you.
You’re a maybe. Definitely maybe. Not you. I’m sorry, Glenda.
”
Glenda had come looking for her job back. “Do you want your job back? ” Amy asked. “Is my brother still barred?
”
“No. ”
“Then I accept. ”
“It’s all this business with Ben’s heart. ”
“Oh, you don’t have to explain.
I’ll tell George, Todd, and maybe Christina. I had a dream last night that he dropped dead in front of me. His heart burst out of his chest on a spring, like a jack-in-the-box. ”
“I take it I’m still allowed to come in?
” Ben said from the door. “Just. ”
“What news from number one? ” someone asked.
“Well, Steve’s gone to work, but I know he feels better about yesterday. And so does Ben, but he’s as stubborn as a mule. What can I get you, love? ”
“Red wine, please.
”
“Okay. Oh, babe, have you heard from the hospital? ” Cassie asked Ben. “No, not yet.
I’ll probably get a letter in six months. I’ve no more symptoms anyway, so what’s the point? ”
“Suzy’s already lost one, Dad. I’m not going to die.
”
“Well, your mum had a dream. The one about the jack-in-the-box. You’ll be sorry if it turns out she has got supernatural powers. I’ll sort it.
”
“And do you think she’s all right? Mum? No. Why?
What’s wrong with her? ”
“Oh. How long have you got, babe? ”
“No, I don’t mean in general, I mean now.
So, are they barred or not? ”
“It’s been lifted. Down to me, that is. I said I’m not coming back to work till they’re welcome in the pub.
Put things right in the place. I can’t hear you. Anyway, it’s him that should be barred. ”
Adam Barlow had brought a gift for his partner, Alia.
“Oh, I thought you’d be too busy getting rich off my brother’s misfortune. ”
“The misfortune of being so decent, that is,” Glenda snapped. “I bet you can’t. I think it’s absolutely shameless.
And we’ll leave it at that. ”
“We will. Everybody’s entitled to a fair shake. Enjoy your drink.
”
“Was there any need for that? ” Alia asked him. “She’s taking the shine right off my day. So, what’s the cause for celebration?
”
“Ah, well. Surprise. Go on, open it. It’s from that little jeweler’s you like.
It’s an antique. It’s not my birthday. ”
“Two words for you. Jenna Mackie.
Listen. I stole her. Paperwork’s almost done. Go on, try it on.
”
“Should you really be doing this? Alia, I love you. Pinching their clients? Well, you pinched clients from me when you worked for them.
Yeah, I was naive. You’ve got no excuse. You know how ruthless Fabians are. You know how they operate.
You can’t take on Jenna Mackie. She left of her own free will. They didn’t offer favorable terms. I did.
Sorry, we did. Come on, a client like that could keep us going for years. ”
“Why do people say ten to the dozen when they mean something’s fast? ”
“If only we had access to some kind of worldwide database.
”
At the hospital, Ben’s new appointment had come through. “Ah, new appointment’s just come through. At the hospital. ”
“They should charge you for this morning, wasting NHS time,” Cassie said.
“I’d gladly pay. ”
“Here we are. Refers to the efficiency and speed of early steam engines, particularly in Cornish tin mines. ”
“Yeah, that’s what I was going to say.
It’s to do with the amount of water pumped. You can impress Laura with that fact when she gets on shift. Or Steve’s daughter. She’ll never take your phone calls.
”
“Did anybody feed Susie? ” Ben asked. “He’s got a new appointment for his jam tart, so you can chill your boots,” Steve said. “When is it?
”
“It’s a couple of weeks, Mum. Fingers crossed you don’t drop dead like in her dream about the jack-in-the-box. Or it’s not hereditary and you’ll drop dead too. Oh, very nice.
You hear that, Will? Bantering about our deaths. ”
“He’s ready. ”
“What are you having?
” Cassie asked. “Oh, I don’t know. She said it’s a surprise. What’s that pasta dish he does?
”
“And you’re on it. Every man for himself here, or something like that, isn’t it? ”
“Yeah, yeah. I have not done today’s thing.
All right. Contentment is natural wealth. ”
“Yeah, that’ll do for me. ”
“Huh?
Socrates. ”
“Yeah, yeah. He was a damn fine footballer in his day. Remember that game in Italy in eighty-two when Zico got it in off a back heel?
”
“Yeah, I do, yeah. ”
“All right, shut up. ”
That evening, Steve was at the cab office when Todd walked in. “Steve, I’m not disturbing you, am I?
”
“Well, we’re at cab office, so you meant to. Where are you going? ”
“You and Ben haven’t made up. Well, he’s welcome to make the first move.
”
“Oh, yes. And your parents, it was a bit of a roller coaster ride, wasn’t it? ”
“Yeah, I suppose so. But you survived.
And here you are, with your business and your family and friends. ”
“I survived. ”
“That malady that struck your father down. Myotonic dystrophy.
Wasn’t there a fifty percent chance that you yourself might have had it? ”
“Well, I didn’t. And my brother didn’t either, so. ”
“And what does it entail, this thing?
Just out of curiosity. ”
“Well, it weakens the muscles until you waste away. ”
“Oh, you must have been so relieved when they said you were grand. ”
“Well, yeah, because if I had it, then Amy might have had it, or Emma, or, well, Oliver even.
”
“Oh, he was the wee lad you lost. ”
“It was unrelated, though. So, it affects the heart. Yeah, you can get heart failure, arrhythmia, palpitation.
I mean, I’m no doctor, so. ”
“Still an unpleasant business all round. ”
“Yeah. ”
“Sorry, where was it you said you were going?
”
“Oh. Nowhere. I was just checking in after yesterday. Good night, now.
”
“Yeah, good night. ”
