“Do you have to do things so publicly? ” I muttered, shoving the box of her things toward the door. “I don’t want any reminders of her. ”
“There’s no better time to get rid of her rubbish,” came the reply.
“He’ll have no problem believing that. Fair enough. ”
I looked at the old chess set, the one she used to play on. “Looks like it’s cocking its leg up,” I said, forcing a laugh.
“But hate is a strong word. ”
“I’ll text her and let her know the stuff’s here,” I said, pulling out my phone. “If it’s still here tomorrow, I’ll douse it in petrol, set it alight. I don’t want anything to do with her.
”
The silence stretched. Then, “If that’s how you really feel, you might as well do the same to me while you’re at it. ”
I froze. “There’s only one killer in this family.
I never set out to hurt anyone in my life. ”
“Yeah, you never set out to sleep with a scouser either, but you did it. You’ve been letting people down all your life. Me most of all.
”
The words stung. “I am still your mother,” she said, her voice cracking. “And believe me, if I could change that, I would. ”
I didn’t answer.
I just turned away. Later, at the bistro, Roy slid onto the stool next to me. “You all right, love? Looks like you could use one.
”
“You all right there, Roy? ” I asked, ignoring his offer. “Uh, still browsing. With no offense, but I’ve seen people spend less time buying houses.
”
“Well, I want to say fine, but still struggling, yeah? ” I admitted, staring at the door. “He normally comes to the bistro straight after school, so. ”
Then I saw him.
Sam was sitting at a table, unwrapping a chocolate bar. My blood ran cold. “Well, your daddy shouldn’t buy you sweets, not before nursery,” I said, marching over. “What’s this to do with you?
” he shot back, his eyes defiant. “She’s not getting Darren after he’s eaten them,” I snapped. Roy raised an eyebrow. “Why have you never thought of just telling him?
”
“Yeah, well, him and me both,” I said, my voice low. “No one felt more guilty about us than Jim. There was never any doubt about that. ”
Roy leaned in.
“Look, he’s going to be all right, this, you know. Lindus is no stranger to violence, and he had no time for Theo in the end. ”
I glared at him. “All right, well, that’s got nothing to do with it.
”
“Why not? ” he pressed. “All right, well, I suppose it was a long shot,” I sighed, rubbing my temples. “And the kettle, while you’re at it.
”
“Yeah, Kit Trakonius got folded in the other guy from the yard,” Roy said casually. “I can’t believe you’re being so blasé about all this,” I said, shaking my head. “I didn’t do it,” he said flatly. “Don’t shed any tears for him.
”
“No,” I agreed. Later, Sam came up to me, holding a small piece of chalk. “You’ll never believe what someone put in my bag,” he said, his voice trembling. “I doubt that any of your classmates are spymasters,” I replied, taking it from him.
“You can buy them anywhere. ”
“I sympathize, I really do,” Roy added from behind the counter. “Sorry if I embarrassed you,” Sam muttered. “So, then it’s my fault,” I said, my jaw tightening.
“Well, I’ll say we both had an argument with her then. The main thing is that’s all what needs to know. ”
“Should I get one in? ” Roy asked, holding up a glass.
“Uh no, I’m all right,” I said, turning to leave. Outside, I found Sam again. “What do you want? Your mum’s still next door.
”
“I think we should probably just let the dust settle a bit first,” I said, trying to keep the peace. He glared at me, his fists clenched. “You’re no brother of mine. ”
“Before you regret it, mate,” I warned, stepping closer.
“Now, do one. ”
“Do one,” I repeated, my voice hard. He didn’t move. He just stood there, staring at me with an anger I hadn’t seen before.
Then he turned and walked away. Back inside, the game was set up. The chess pieces stood at attention, waiting. Michael sat across from me, his fingers hovering over the board.
“I shall have to insist that you remain stationary during our game,” he said, his voice stiff. “I don’t know if you’re aware of the Korchnoi-Karpov controversy in the 1978,” I began, but he cut me off. “And it’s not the first chair-based chess controversy,” he said, tapping the board. “I should pop back.
But I shall return presently. In the meantime, you spend to your heart’s content. ”
He left, and I stared at the pieces. “He’ll notice them up if the doors are locked,” I muttered.
“He’ll find out the truth soon enough anyway. ”
“Who can blame you after what’s gone on lately? ” Roy said, leaning against the counter. “And so, where’s the time for me and you in all of this, huh?
” I asked, feeling the weight of everything pressing down. “Right, enough now,” Roy said, holding up his hands. “Which is all anybody can do. And I’ll tell you something else.
It’s good enough for me. ”
“More than good enough,” I said, forcing a small smile. Later, Michael came back. He studied me for a moment, his eyes sharp.
“You do seem somewhat unsettled. ”
“As I told you, I never really lived up to my parents’ expectations,” I said, my voice distant. “Because I viewed the world somewhat differently, as you do. So I suppose it is only natural that you might fear that your own father could harbor that same disappointment.
”
“Do you think he might not have wanted me? ” I asked, the words slipping out before I could stop them. “I never said that,” Michael replied, his tone softening. “Whatever problems you may have.
”
“I think we should begin,” he said, moving his pawn. I played along, but my mind was elsewhere. “Well, there’s no getting away from you at the minute, is there? Remind me to check under the bed when we get undressed tonight.
”
“Well, you tell me,” he said, not looking up. “I should start charging you,” I said. “Fingers crossed I might be able to say the same to you. ”
“Keith, have you actually got any brief that he’s done something wrong?
” I asked, changing the subject. “If you say so,” Roy called from the other room. Later, I sat alone, thinking. “I’d never considered Dad might not want me in his life,” I whispered to myself.
Michael appeared in the doorway. “I tend to follow logic wherever it may lead. I apologize for any insensitivity. ”
“No, you just tell them the truth,” I said, looking up at him.
“Because you’re my friend. ”
He nodded slowly. “I will only ever want the best outcome for you. So we must work hard to prevent that.
”
“We must,” I echoed. The next morning, Sam was gone. I found him in the park, sitting on a bench, staring at the ground. “You all right, Sam?
” I asked, sitting down beside him. “No, not boring,” he said, not looking at me. “You all right? ”
“I was only trying to help before, you know,” I said.
“First he’s done, and don’t go running off. ”
“Come on, you two,” Roy called from the path. “Well, I’ll tell you what’s not boring,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “Don’t tell the wicked witch.
She’ll only take him up. ”
But Sam wasn’t laughing. He pulled out the chalk again, turning it over in his hands. “Well, uh, Sam was extremely agitated before he left,” Michael said, joining us.
“I hadn’t realized these things are freely available. ”
“Oh, as if he’s not got enough to contend with,” I said, my stomach knotting. “If he got lost or got into trouble. ”
“Well, I wish you’d have talked to me first,” I said, turning to Michael, “because I would have told you that I couldn’t think of anything more likely to make him paranoid.
”
“Yeah, well, you need to let him know that it was you before he does any more damage, okay? ” I said, my voice rising. “I don’t understand why everyone’s got it in for me,” Sam said, his voice breaking. Michael knelt down in front of him.
“While our intellect might win us a degree of admiration, more often than not, it will prompt suspicion, even hatred. Because people feel threatened and will use brute force to deal with that threat if necessary. ”
Sam’s eyes widened. “As with myself, your enemies will do all they can to squash your ambitions.
And there’s no way we can stop them. ”
“I’m still here,” Michael said, his voice steady. “I’m still here because I learned the value of identifying my foes, taking preemptive steps. By trusting no one.
”
“Well, that’s because I must keep it hidden,” he continued. “I reveal it to you because you face the very same prejudices and attacks that I have endured. ”
Sam looked at him, then at me. “You’re by no means safe.
You must be guided by me as someone who has walked that treacherous path before you. You may have to fly in the face of your gentle nature as I did mine. ”
He swallowed hard. “I don’t have any choice.
”
I watched him, my heart sinking. He was listening. He was believing every word.
And I had no idea how to stop it.
