The van blocking the entrance was almost too much. I was this close to ramming it. But then I saw her. Summer.
Standing there with all her stuff, and my stomach just dropped. “What have you got there? ” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. “Sam’s spaceport,” she said, not even looking at me.
I knew she was angry. She had every right to be. But I wasn’t prepared for the venom when she finally turned to face me. “I went through hell while you pretended you hadn’t seen me,” she spat.
“I didn’t pretend. ”
“Well, can you see me now? ”
The words hit me like a punch. She stopped taking her meds just to get out of that place.
She had a hyper, and I wasn’t there. I couldn’t be there. And now she was standing here, looking at me like I was a stranger. “I’m sorry,” I said, the words feeling hollow.
“I’m glad you’re out now. ”
“Hooray. That I’ve made you glad. ”
I tried to offer her a lift, but she wasn’t having any of it.
She had Bernie and all her stuff; we’d need two cars, she said. Trying to bankrupt me. I watched her walk away with the others, and I knew I’d messed up. I just didn’t know how badly.
Later, the girls were planning their holiday. A luxury five-star retreat, no phone signal, no internet. They had it all worked out, the lies, the alibis. I tried to keep up, to be normal, but all I could think about was Sam.
His messages. His silence. The fact that he was still in the hospital. I went to see him, hoping he’d finally talk to me.
But Sam didn’t want to see me. The doctor told me he was clear on that. He said I had to let him be, that he needed to be heard. But I needed to apologize.
I needed to tell him I was sorry for lying. “We’ll tell him, darling,” I promised his mother. “I promise we will. ”
But I didn’t know if I’d ever get the chance.
I ran into Daryan outside the pub, and I broke down. I told him how I’d tracked Sam to the hospital, how I knew he was stressed but I thought it was just him being a teenager. I didn’t see the signs. I didn’t want to see them, maybe.
“Schizophrenia. They’ve sectioned him. What? ” Nick’s voice was sharp.
“You didn’t think to say anything? ” He looked at me like I was a stranger. “I just thought that, you know, it’s about the court case, isn’t it? ”
“That’s why you said nothing.
”
The accusation hung in the air. He was right. I’d been so focused on Will, on the trial, on keeping everything together, that I’d missed what was happening right in front of me. And now my son was in a psychiatric ward, refusing to see me, because I lied to him.
I tried to explain to Daryan, to make him understand why I did it. If I hadn’t lied, Sam would have fought, he might have tried to jump out of the car. He’d have ended up in the same place, but hating me sooner. “This kid is suffering here,” I whispered.
“I just want to be with him. ”
But he wouldn’t see me. He didn’t want me there. The girls were on their trip now, sending pictures of their “Spanish Odyssey.
” They looked happy, carefree. I tried to lose myself in the pub, in the darts, in the noise. But I couldn’t shake the image of Sam’s face, the fear in his eyes when he saw me. Then I saw it.
One of the lads, that Sol, was trying to get served. He wasn’t from around here; he had that look about him, trouble. He started mouthing off to a girl at the bar, calling her a stuck-up cow. I saw red.
I stepped in. “All right, mate. Leave her alone. ”
He turned to me, a smirk on his face.
“Or what, mate? ”
I didn’t think. I just swung. The fight was over in seconds, but the message was clear.
I wasn’t going to let anyone else get away with things on my watch. Not anymore. But then I saw Ronnie with that gun. And everything else faded.
He was pointing it at Kev, his finger on the trigger. I could hear his voice, cold and determined. He’d had enough. He wanted it to end.
“You want a bet, Carl? ” he said, his eyes locked on his target. I looked at Kev, then at Ronnie. At the gun that wasn’t real.
At least, I hoped it wasn’t. “Carl, this is not the way,” I said, my voice steady despite the fear. “Put the gun down now. ”
But Ronnie wasn’t listening.
He was talking about Debbie, about how she’d never forgive Kev for killing her brother. He was trying to goad him, to push him over the edge. “I can’t believe your dad won’t serve us,” I heard someone say, but it was distant. All I could focus on was the standoff in front of me.
And then I realized something. I wasn’t just a bystander anymore. I was part of this. We all were.
And if I didn’t do something, someone was going to get hurt. I stepped forward, my palms up. I had to stop this. I had to make them see reason.
But the look in Ronnie’s eye told me he was past reason. He was past everything. He was looking at Kev like he was already dead.
I just hoped I could get to him before he pulled the trigger.
